Happy Holidays?

This is the season when I say, “Merry Christmas” to almost everyone. Recent newspaper commentaries have made me more aware of my impact, and I wonder if I should be saying, “Happy Holidays” instead.

I asked some people this week about their holiday plans. One woman hesitantly said she has no plans. Her family doesn’t celebrate Christmas anymore since their mother died. She has 7 siblings, and no plans to spend the holiday with any of them. She was disappointed that they hadn’t at least exchanged names so there would be a gift to open. Then she said brightly, “I can go visit my friend Susie if I want” and told me how grateful she is that she has a cat and a dog to keep her company.

Another woman simply responded to my greeting with, “We don’t celebrate Christmas, but I will be visiting my godchild’s family and some cousins, and that will be fun.”

Christmas and Hanukkah are religious celebrations that bring us together with friends and family. Or not. Holidays often remind us what we have lost. A cheery “Merry Christmas” might not have the positive effect we intend.

I remember meeting a woman and her daughter in a grief group. Their husband/father had passed away the previous Christmas and these two women were making travel plans. They decided to skip Christmas this year. They were going to some place warm to sit on the beach and pretend it wasn’t Christmas.

A man sat in my office lamenting his father’s death. “Christmas at our house was always a difficult time. Now that Dad is gone, I’ll never get to have the Christmas I wanted. Of course, we never did while he was alive either. “ Then he seemed to brighten as he realized that now that Dad was gone, maybe, just maybe, his family could finally have a happy Christmas gathering after all.

What is this holiday season bringing to you? Family? Friends? Tradition? Loneliness? Hope?

What are you celebrating? What are you missing? What would you like to experience this holiday season? We invite your holiday reflections.