Showing up

From my own experience as well as witnessing others' experience with grief, I've noticed that we in our culture are often tongue-tied when it comes to knowing what to say to grieving people.

It's often our own fears or issues with death and dying that often get in the way of being supportive or present for those who are mourning. Often we are afraid of hurting the grieving person in our words or deeds, being afraid that acknowledgment of the experience will somehow open the wound again. However, I've found that it is often more appreciated to say or do something than to shy away from the issue or avoid the person experiencing the loss.

It's hard for many people to be with those who are hurting, crying or sad; but it's important not to compound the isolation that accompanies loss by abandoning the grieving person when times are difficult. In my own experience, it was more painful to have others not ask or remember what was happening in our family.

Expressing your concern or care can be as simple as a written note or a phone call; the important thing is to do it, and to do it from your heart. Your noticing validates the grieving person's experience, no matter how it's done, and will be appreciated even if you feel awkward or uncomfortable.

As Woody Allen said, 90% of life is about showing up. Showing up for our grieving friends and loved ones can make a world of difference.

How about you? What acknowledgment has been helpful to you on your journey?