Walking Through Grief

This weekend, in keeping with the U.S. Thanksgiving holiday, I was honored to walk with several people in grief. What diverse losses bring us into the grief process!

A widow told me that day would have been her 50th wedding anniversary and shared some favorite memories of her marriage.

A young woman lost her mom just a few weeks ago and is surprised at “how well” she is doing. I suspect that shock is protecting her from the full impact of losing the mom she described as her best friend.

Another woman, widowed many years ago and now remarried reflected on the residual grief that now is ready to be resolved.

Brand new grief generates acute pain. But losses from long ago can still pop up, wanting to be addressed and released.

Mourning may last a year or two, but grief is the entire process of coming to terms with the loss of someone dear to us. Don’t be surprised if a loss from long ago resurfaces with a new loss, a change of seasons, or even a holiday. It might just mean you are ready to walk with it again and do more healing.

I am Grateful

Thanksgiving has me thinking about being grateful. Some days I’m an “ungrateful wretch” – a phrase I read somewhere when I was about 14. I complain about my aches and pains, the room temperature, the government, the economy, other crabby people, you name it. Usually I am not grateful for losses in my life.

A friend of mine is dying and I’m not grateful for her suffering. I am grateful for her friends who have been showing up and bringing her love and companionship. And I’m grateful for being blessed by her friendship and wisdom.

I am also grateful for the wisdom of my new friend Carol and her lovely message on giving thanks.

May your day be blessed with love, friends and gratitude.

Whispering Hope

Soft as the voice of an angel

Breathing a lesson unheard;

Hope with a gentle persuasion

Whispers her comforting word.

-Alice Hawthorn, "Whispering Hope"

My mom’s mother, Grandma Sally lived with us from time to time when I was growing up. Grandma liked to play the piano and certain pieces still always remind me of her: “Clair de Lune” for one and “Deep Purple.” She also liked to play hymns. I thought she had a funny rolling way of playing chords, but maybe it was her Parkinson’s that added that little flourish.

Today I read the title of a very old song, “Whispering Hope” and the melody came back to me as though it was just last year instead of last century since I’d heard it! I can still hear Grandma playing those tremolo chords and singing along in her tremolo voice.

Grandma Sally has been showing up in my thoughts a lot lately. I wonder if she’s hanging around, sending encouragement. And why now, 30 years after her death? Maybe she’s whispering some hope to me.

Do you ever get the sense that a lost loved one is present? What meaning does that have for you?

Just Ducky

There’s a lovely little pond in our neighborhood where I walk with people in grief. Depending on the season, we’re likely to see robins, crows, squirrels, geese, turtles, an egret or two, and always ducks, lots of ducks.

Recently, on one of those walks, a half dozen ducks spotted the two of us leaning on a rail looking out on the pond and made a beeline in our direction. Curious, I asked my friend what the ducks bring to mind for her, and without missing a beat she responded. “I think that this grief should just roll off my back like water off a duck.”

Many of us grew up in families where we were taught “not to air our personal problems” with the neighbors. We came to believe that we should be strong and not need others’ help. So when someone asks us, “How are you doing?” we respond, “Just fine”, or “Just ducky.”

Well, you know what? When we are grieving it is not going to just roll off our back and disappear. We need to engage it and walk through it in order to heal and move forward. So stop thinking you have to do this all alone. You might be able to, but it will be harder and take longer. Bless yourself by letting others be there for you as you walk through your grief.

What are you walking through today? I’d love to hear from you. Just click on the “comments” button below or the email icon.