Grieving: An Unwanted Boat Ride
When you first lose someone you love, you find yourself captive on a boat racing away from shore. The boat is named GRIEF, and you feel kidnapped against your will. You didn’t sign up for this excursion.
You stand aft in this boat looking back at your life as it was just a short time ago shouting, “Wait! I want to go back! I don’t belong on this boat. There must be some mistake! Stop the boat. Turn back. My life is back there!”
As the shore gradually recedes you notice the movement of the water behind the boat, and with a shiver you realize it’s called “the wake.”
Eventually, you reluctantly collapse in the center of the boat and try to figure out how to deal with this dilemma. “Where am I? How did this happen? Who am I now without my loved one? Why do we have to go through this? What can I do to survive this? Who will help me? When will this end?”
The boat isn't racing any more. It's going so slow the journey seems interminable. You have lots of time to think, reflect, feel and cry. You want the boat to hurry up, to get somewhere else. Anywhere would be better than this! You know it can’t go back, but it doesn’t seem to be going any where either. Some moments you still want to go back, other days you’re just trying to survive each moment where you are.
Eventually, you start to look ahead of the boat and wonder where you’ll end up. You might even have an idea where you’d like to go. “Say, there’s an island over there—we could relax on the beach. No, let’s head for that town; that might be interesting. Maybe I could start over there. I could go back to school. Maybe I’ll try oil painting. I’ve always wished I could visit foreign countries. I think I’ll frost my hair. A dancing class would be fun. I’m going to start LIVING again.”
Is grief driving your life? What is this ride like for you? Where are you in your boat called “Grief”
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The source of this analogy is unknown, but crossed my path 15 or 20 years ago. If anyone knows whose idea this is, please post it for us all. Thanks!
posted by Dee Bailey @ 7:27 PM
1 comments
1 Comments:
What a great analogy. I have not heard that one before, but it is right on. When my first husband died I was totally lost. It sure did feel like I had been set adrift. But, sure enough, I started to look around and see the possibilities of going on with my life and trying new things. One of the things I tried was skiing with some coworkers. It was a great experience and helped me to start living again.
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