Follow your heart

A friend called last night to tell me his father had died. This friend and I go back a long ways - more than 20 years - and while he lives more than a thousand miles away from me, we try to keep in touch at least few times a year.

But I hadn't heard from him much this year. I've been busy with my own life, so I'm behind in my connections with most of my friends these days. But as soon as I heard his voice on the line, I knew something was up.

It wasn't a surprise to learn of his father's death - he's been in a slow decline for a while - but it's still a major event. Today is the funeral, and my friend was deliberating whether to give a eulogy or not.

His Dad was an incredibly brilliant and accomplished person, completely devoted to his life's work. And while my friend loved his Dad, the relationship was complicated. My friend felt as though he should say something, but was struggling for the right words. Still, although he doesn't relish public speaking, he didn't want to regret not saying something at his Dad's funeral.

My advice to him was to follow his heart. My friend knows he was wonderful and dedicated son to his father, helping him navigate through the last difficult year of his life. He can choose how and when he wants to honor his memories - good and difficult - of his father. There is nothing written that says he must grieve or mourn or eulogize publicly if that isn't his preference.

I don't know what he ultimately decided to do - eulogy or not - but I do hope he is listening to his own heart today.